Mama's Missing!!!!

Hey Friends,

I'm sicker than a dog! I cannot wait for the first trimester of this pregnancy to be over so I can feel somewhat normal again. Some good news is that Cunt Face finally returned, so I had someone to hold my hair back as I puked in the toilet!

We got into a huge fight and you wouldn't believe what it was about: POLITICS! I know, I know, you'd never think either Cunt Face or myself were politically-inclined, but stranger things have happened. Anyway, Cunt Face was on her soap box about Obama and how he is this and how he is that and basically that he should be our next president. I quickly disagreed and said my choice was Mike Huckabee. Cunt Face looked at me, slack-jawed.

"Are you serious? Mike Huckabee? He is so hateful and anti-gay--anti-everything! I'd never think you'd endorse someone who would take away your rights to have an abortion!"

I shrugged. "What do I care? It's not like I go to the doctor! I support him because he's honest. At least with him, you know who he hates and who he's against. Those others--those democrats are all smoke and mirrors--you just can't trust them. Don't believe the hype: Obama may be a tall sexy black man, but he's full of hot air. Huckabee all the way!"

We went round and round about that until the phone interrupted us. I had grown so weary of the argument that I quickly answered it.

"Who the hell is this?" I asked, my normal telephonic greeting.

"Trasha, is that you?" It was a man.

"Um, yes, it is. And like I said before: who the hell is this?"

"It's me, Jacob."

My jaw clenched. "What the fuck do you want, Jacob? You already stole my Mama from me--what's next? You want to steal Cunt Face, too? You want my tranny twin sister?"

"No, no--but listen, I have to make this quick. Bonnie is gone--she has left my house and I have no idea where she is! You know she has no memory, no idea of where to go, so she could be anywhere by now."

I exhaled heavily, clearly annoyed. "Oh that's just great, Jacob. What a great son you've turned out to be. I know you're a big fucking fraud anyway--you can't fool me. You may be able to fool my Mama, but you will never--and I mean NEVER--pull the wool over the eyes of Trasha White!"

He started apologizing and I really stopped paying attention. I pictured Mama in the middle of a blizzard, buried neck high in a snow drift. Where could she be???

I hung the phone up while Jacob was trying to defend himself. I told Cunt Face what had happened and she said: "Well, we gotta get out of here and go find Mama!"

"But Cunt Face, it's my birthday tomorrow!!!!"

"Well if it wasn't for Mama, you wouldn't be having a birthday! Come on--let's MOVE!"

So I got my fat ass out of the recliner, bundled up Starla in a new winter outfit I got for her at Target and the three of us set out to find Mama. That bitch better have not wandered off far!!!


Love,

Trasha