So Much for Turning My Life Around!

Hey Friends,

So much for turning my life around: I got arrested! It happened on my birthday no less. I had gone back to Warren to hang at my favorite honky tonk, The Memphis Lounge because every year on my birthday, all my old regulars show up to shower me with love (and their cum, if they're lucky).

When I walk into the Memphis Lounge, it's like Norm walking into Cheers. They all know my name and they turn on their barstools and scream and holler for me. It's one of the few places I truly feel like a star. So I waltzed in, all dolled up and alone (I didn't want Cunt Face stealing any of my thunder) and saddled up at the bar.

"It's my birthday, Marv," I told my favorite bartender. "Give me the usual!"

Marv, a 60 year old Vietnam vet gave me a big smile, exposing his missing choppers. "You got it, Trasha!" He then commenced to mixing up my birthday cocktail: a Coors Light in a tall glass and a shot of whiskey. I then pulled a Percocet out of my purse and dropped it into the shot glass.

"Can't forget the piece de resistance!" I howled and downed the shot and chased it with my beer. Fuck this baby I'm carrying: it's my birthday and it's time to get WILD like no one else but Miss Trasha White can!

The shot hit me quick and I felt as loose as a long-necked goose. I shook my hips and pranced onto the dance floor, pushing people out of my way. I caught the eye of a handsome gent who was dancing with someone far less pretty than me. I winked and he left her behind and pulled me close and we started to dance.

"Hey!" The lady shouted, pissed off.

I ignored her. This was my night--my birthday and I would have any man I wanted, even if he was taken.

"So, what's your name?" He said. I rolled my eyes: did he really not know me?

"I'm Trasha White, living legend and lead singer of The Cunty Bitches."

I let him dip me. The world looked so interesting upside down!

I could feel his hard-on through his Wrangler jeans. "It seems like you are mighty happy to see me. What do you say you and me go do something about that?" I punctuated my statement by grabbing his long, hard dick.

"Oh yeah?" He said, smiling. "What do you want to do about this?" He rubbed his cock against my leg.

"Honey, I can do many, many things to that. But this pussy ain't free--I will have to charge you. And since it's my birthday, I will have to charge you double."

He laughed and spinned me around. The next thing I knew, handcuffs were on me.

"You have the right to remain silent..." He said, then began rattling off my Miranda Rights.

"Yeah, yeah--save your breath!" I yelled. "I have those God-damned things memorized. How could you do this to me? It's my BIRTHDAY!"

"Well, you'll be spending it in the slammer. Let's go."

And the next thing I knew, my cell in the police station was being slammed shut.

I sat on a cement slab and lit a cigarette. I had smuggled it in my bra, along with some matches. No one would keep me from my cigs--NO ONE!

Another woman was in the cell with me and I would have ignored her, but she kept staring at me. I told myself: 'Trasha, calm down, though you are already in jail, you don't need any other charges brought against you.'

She kept staring and I puffed my cig hard. I clenched my jaw and bit my tongue, but I just couldn't keep my trap shut.

"What the fuck is your problem, bitch?" I asked, as politely as I could.

"I know you, whore. You turn tricks down at White Way and The Memphis Lounge. Thank God you haven't been around in a while so the rest of us lizards can get the business. You're a man-hog!"

"Well, it looks like you won't be getting much business tonight, lady. Neither of us will--we're locked up. And don't get bitter because the men want me. I've been turning tricks since I got my period--I'm a fucking legend!"

The woman snorted. "Legend! Right. You may have lost a few hundred pounds, but you're still as ugly as the day is long!"

I glared at her. I am beautiful and with enough guidance, I could probably win beauty pageants. People say I look just like Delta Burke--she was as pageant queen! This bitch was just jealous and I knew it.

"Don't be sore because I have a mouth full of teeth and yours have rotted out from all that meth. Don't try to deny it--I can tell a Meth Mouth when I see one. And look at all those scabs. You're a mess and the only reason those men are on you is because I've flown the coop. But don't get too comfy because I'm coming back and with a vengeance. Spread the word to the other nasty sluts you work with."

One of the guards at the station opened the cell door. "Hey, you--put out that damn cigarette and make your one phone call."

He was talking to me. I stood up, straightened my dress, tossed my cig on the ground and stamped it out with my high heel. Head held high, I excited the cell and made my phone call to the only person I could call: my twin sister, Cunt Face.

She said she'd be there as soon as she could--she needed to dig up the bail money. I cursed my family for being so fucking poor and hoped Cunt Face could either borrow or steal the cash ASAP. I am not meant for prison or jail life. I'm a fucking star!

Hours has passed and I nodded off to sleep. I dreamed of being cozy warm, curled up in my recliner with Starla in my arms. I was woken back to harsh reality when one of the guards banged on the cell with his billy club.

"Get up, fat ass. You've made bail."

I acted like he wasn't talking to me, but he banged the door again.

"My name is Miss Trasha White, living legend and lead--"

"Save it!" He yelled and pulled my by the arm out of the cell.

"I've never been treated with such disrespect before--I'm with child for God's sake!"

I was lead out of the jail and into another room for processing. That's when I saw Cunt Face. She ran up to me and put her arms around me.

"Oh, Cunt Face, I'm so happy to see you. How the hell did you get the cash to bail me out of here???"

Before she could answer, I saw exactly who had given her the money. And I couldn't believe my eyes!

(To Be Continued)

Love,

Trasha