Hey Friends,
How I’ve missed you all! So much in my life has changed since I wrote last...to say I got "distracted" after my last post is a gross understatement. I will say that I’M OK - now. I don’t want to worry you all, but I have been in the hospital. I have been home for a couple days and finally have the strength to sit up in my recliner and write to you all. During my stay in the hospital, I recorded my thoughts on a mini tape recorder and will start transcribing everything as I’m able to.
Let me do what I do best: pick up where I last left off. I was as nervous as I’ve ever been on my way to the prison to see Cain. What would he say? How would he react after I told him the things I had been planning to say (all related to that folder of information that Leonard gave to me while I was hiding out in the rehab facility)? I could have just shit my pants, I tells ya!
It took some time, but I made it through the prison to a room set aside for family and friends of inmates. It was kind of like the show Oz, except not as glamorous. I got the creeps as I was escorted through the different areas - it hasn’t been too long since I’ve been out of the joint myself! I did have some flashbacks to my time in the slammer, but before I could brood too much on that, I was waiting for Cain to be summoned. There was no time for reflecting.
I wasn’t there long when Cain was brought out to the table I was sitting at, handcuffed and wearing his orange jumper. He looked older for some reason...very sad. Jail was not easy on him and how could it be? He was used to the finer things in life and there was no question that missed his furs, French Champale and Philly blunts.
"Hello, Cain." I said, feigning strength (as if I was confronting a coked up Pit Bull).
Oddly enough, Cain smiled. "Hi Trasha, baby! Oh, I’m surprised to see you here. You look..." He clocked me from heels to hairdo. "Well."
I laughed. "You are certainly a sight for sore eyes yourself." I looked at the Jail Guard Guy. "You can leave us now."
The Guard gave me a Bitch, are you CRAZY? kind of look. I responded with words:
"I’ll call you if I need you."
He nodded and Cain and I were seated, staring into each other’s eyes from across the table.
"So," He said, breaking the awkward silence that had wrapped itself around us. "why are you here? Really?"
I folded my hands and looked him dead in the eye. "I’m here to call a truce. I’m sick and tired of being scared of you and I’m sick and tired of people telling me I need to testify against you. I’m not going to - I’ve decided that and I wanted to tell you that in person."
The smirk he was sporting on his mug turned into a slight smile. "Have you been drinking that malt liquor again?"
I dismissed his comment with a wave of my hand. "Cain! Of course I have."
"I know all this has been hard on you, Trasha and I would apologize - except for the fact that I think you asked for it...and deserved it. I do have quite an iron fist and you knew that about me before you and me got together. You shouldn’t have been surprised."
I reached for his hand. "And I wasn’t! I wasn’t, Cain, and I didn’t come here to play the blame game or any shit like that. I came here to put the past behind us and move on."
A skeptical look crossed his face, but it soon faded and his hand squeezed mine.
"I never thought of myself as a forgiving man, but being locked up has had an effect on me for sure. I have been thinking a lot...and you were the only bitch I’ve ever really loved. Shonda - I had other plans for her. But you - I truly wanted to be with you, Trasha. You were my girl and that’s why it killed me that you fucked around on me with that motherfucking cop...a god damn cop I thought was my business partner all this time!"
He was squeezing my hand so hard, my knuckles cracked. I pulled away, shaking the pain away.
"Sorry," He said, realizing what he had done.
"It’s OK."
Anyway, we talked for the entire twenty minutes he had allotted for visitors. I found myself actually sad watching him leave the room. I was believing what I had convinced myself of...I’m too good at lying! I didn’t go there truly wanting to put the past behind me - it’s just kind of how things worked out. I didn’t even have to use the info that Leonard had given me. It’s good for a girl to always have something in her back pocket - can I get an "AMEN" my sistas?!
So all’s well that end’s well, right?
WRONG!
I found out just how wrong as I started the engine of my car.
[To be continued...]
Love,
Trasha
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